Toronto School Board Trustees voted, yesterday, in approval of opening a "black focused" high school. The school is to open some time in 2009. Those in favor of this move say it may reduce the 40% drop out rate black students have in Toronto. Those who oppose the black focused school say segregation is not the answer. I guess I can see both arguments. However, I think one of the most important life skills high school teaches is how to interact with other individuals from different backgrounds. I mean, how else are black guys supposed to learn to pick up the fat white chicks with massive asses they covet so much?

I've also been pretty keen on following the elections in the States. I'm pretty confident that the hardcore right wing factions down south are shitting bricks at the prospects of having either a woman or a black man winning the office of President of the USA. The only thing that would make it more amusing would be if Hilary said she was converting to Judaism or if Obama said he was a flaming homosexual and spoke with a lisp. Totally awesome.

Today on the schedule I have, hopefully, 10 hours of uninterrupted DVD watching followed by a late dinner, with Hotblackchick, at the Mandarin. The Mandarin is great because all the staff is hardcore Chinese but the client base they cater to is mostly super white trash tramps and dealer whiteboys. Its a great mix.

Hopefully the evening will end off with some dick licking (by hotblackchick) and clueless clit sucking (by me). Perhaps if the mood strikes me, while I'm down there staring HBC eye to clit, I'll bust out into La Isla Bonita.

The Ultimate Fantasy Pop Duo

Too bad John Oates and Lionel Ritchie never formed a band, or collaborated on a song... or were featured in a porno together.

Imagine that? Totally rad.




Any female would be lucky to get tag-teamed by such fine specimens of mulatto mustaches.

You know what would be even better than Oates and Ritchie tag-teaming a broad? Oates and Ritchie doing it raw, nasty, gay, jungle style with each other!! Wicked.



Dont pretend you wouldn't watch. I'm not gay but I certainly would watch and probably purchase any related DVD or Box Set of Oates and Ritchie pounding each other in the ass. The sheer beauty of their butt love-making is something that would transcend sexual orientation.

The only other gay sex I would prefer to see more than the Oates and Ritchie combo is if Jean Luc Picard traveled through a wormhole and seduced his future or past self. Two Jean Luc Picards getting it on with each other would be smoking. Maybe then we would add Larry David to make it a menage, or would that be too much of a good thing? I dunno.

Easily the ugliest chick I've ever masturbated to...

In case you are wondering, yes that is the chick from Roxette. I have no idea what I was thinking. Maybe it was the drugs, or peer pressure or maybe it was the mass marketing of the pop group that brainwashed me into thinking the Roxette chick was hot.

It was probably a combination of all three.

Speaking of chicks I masturbate to, anyone see the new Ciara video? The one where she is lying on her side and just pounding the floor with her vag with that total non committal expression on her face like she's saying "yeah, so what? I can shatter cinder blocks with my vag if I wanted to. You got a problem with that?" Totally hot.

Lastly, things between me and hotblackchick are a little weird. I think she is quite happy. I mean, why wouldn't she be? I'm one studly piece of hot beef injection. Yeah, she is definitely happy. I am not so much. Even the sex is just sorta okay for me. Sometimes I make up games to occupy my mind while we make sweet sweet white guy on black chick love. The other night while I was giving it to her 3/4 angle style I thought to myself "okay, Hootch, give it to her good, brother. Make love to her like a black man would". I chuckled a little to myself as that train of thought caught me completely off guard.

"Make love to her like a black man? What exactly does that mean," I continued my interior monologue. I decided to play with her tits a little to make her think I was still paying attention to our love making. "Make love to her like a black man? Does than mean I should impregnate her and never call her again? Maybe it means I should just sing some R n' B songs to her". I contemplated singing Seal's Kissed by a Rose to her as we were now doggie styling it. Maybe something by Sade or Shaka Khan would be more appropriate.

"Shaka Khan, let me rock you, let me rock you Shaka Khan,
Let me rock you thats all I wanna do,
Shaka Khan, let me rock you, let me rock you Shaka Khan,
Let me rock you let me feel for you"

In the end I decided to fuck her like I imagine Billy Dee Williams fucks. I got totally wasted on Colt 45, and passed out on her cushion pillow ass.

I'm pretty sure I'd throw it to Hilary Clinton

Is it just me or do Chelsea Clinton and Alfred E Neuman look exactly the same?

Bill's thoughts as he's looking at Hilary: I am so gonna doggie style Lewinski, tonight.

Speaking of Bill, does anyone know what he did with those cigars he fucked Lewinski with? I think it'd be hilarious if he gave them out to all the closet nazi's in the government.

ClosetNazi: Mmmm, this cigar here, Bill, is damn smooth.

Clinton: SURPRISE!!! I've been marinating the tip of that cigar in Monica Lewinski's pussy juice.

Maybe they can make a reality tv show out of it, like they did with Punk'd. They can call it Pussy Juiced. Come on. Admit it. Thats awesome.

Rush Limbaugh: You know, Bill, if your wife or that nigger become the next President of the United States I may have to pick up my belongings and move to Mexico or something. Buy a few slaves and just live the good life as god intended, you know voicing my opinions on issues I know nothing about and just generally being an asshole hypocrite. Hmmmm, damn, Bill!! This cigar is good. Is it Cuban?

Bill: AAAHAHAHA, SURPRISE LIMABAUGH!! That cigar, between your lips, has been soaking in my wife's vagina the past 12 hours. YOU'VE JUST BEEN PUSSY JUICED!!

I got the hootchie-cootchie blues

I have the movie Black Snake Moan stuck on repeat. Its fucking awesome. If you combine this with the fact I've been "auditioning" strippers for Sterg's birthday party this weekend, its no surprise I've taken to singing and recording half-made up blues songs into my phone while buried in the corners of Toronto's finest shitholes. Here are the only two girls/songs I remember:

(1)
Have you seen my baby
they call her LuluAnne,
I say, have you seen my baby
they call her LuluAnne,
she got a fistful of 20s
and break the heart of every man.

(2)
Have you seen my baby
they call her Paradise,
I say, have you seen my baby
they call her Paradise,
Dont need no other chacha
cuz, oh man, she jack so nice

Its, like, I'm the reincarnation of Blind Lemon Jefferson.

Shoot'em Up

Of man, Shoot'em Up was fucking great. Among many of the positives, Clive Owens was terrific as an action hero. The lone negative, Monica Bellucci may have put in the worse acting performance in the history of film, thankfully though her tits looked magnificent.

Not to nit-pick or anything but I'm not sure what the deal was with Monica Bellucci's hairstyle. The straight bangs across her forehead look wasn't doing it for me. I dont want to be mean or anything but I would only rate Bellucci's physical appearance in Shoot'em Up as a half an ounce of jizz out of my standard 1.267 ounces of jizz per ejaculate. Clearly she is capable of so much better. Bellucci has the ability to force the jizz-o-meter off the charts by tapping into my emergency reserve of jizzwad if she really wanted to. For instance:

OMG!!! Captain, the jizz-o-meter cant take the pressure. Pre-ejaculate readings are indicating 3 ounces of hot jizz about to be ejaculated... 4 ounces now... the pre-ejaculate indicators keep moving up, Captain. 5 ounces of jizz and the readings keep rising. Half a pint!!! We just hit pre-ejaculate readings of half a pint. Captain, we're gonna blow and cause serious internal injuries. We need to do something quick!!!



Oh, thank Heavens. Good thinking, Captain. Jizz-o-meter readings are rapidly falling. We are in absolute no danger of going off. Although now I'm pretty sure we've just turned gay, but one problem at a time, eh?

DVDs

I finished watching Eastern Promises yesterday. I thought it was pretty great. It had a lot of similarities with A History of Violence. I thought it was interesting how both movies explore similar themes of alternate identities and the family unit vs organized crime.

Working from memory, these two films have been quite different from Cronenberg's previous efforts, which I haven't really been a fan of. I'm wondering if there was a specific catalyst that resulted in him working on these two films that deal with a definitive good vs a definitive evil as opposed to his other movies where those concepts are more ambiguous.

I picked up a few more movies yesterday including Collateral, which I thought was fucking great and deserves to be mentioned among Jamie Fox and Tom Cruise's best movies, and Shoot'em Up. I wasn't gonna get Shoot'em Up but I flipped to the back of the cover and saw a picture of a sprawled out Monica Belluci wearing fishnet stockings. 'Nough said.

I'm gonna be pissed if Shoot'em Up is as shit as Smokin Aces.

Set up a 2nd blog strictly to document my strategies and plays. Have a look if you like. Ask questions, whatever - Guerilla Daytrading.

Alright. So, whats going on? Hitting that 15% on RIM has basically allowed me to fuck off the previous week and a bit. I did some DVD shopping. I picked up The Kingdom which was a huge disappointment. On tap for today is Eastern Promises which I'm looking forward to watching. I loved History of Violence so I'm hoping Eastern Promises captures, at least a little bit of that same intrigue.

Me and the fellas hit up a new rippers a few days ago. That was pretty fun. I've never seen Sterg so smashed before in my life.

Hootch: (approaching a stripper) Excuse me. If you are not too busy I'd like to get my friend a few dances from you, if that's ok?

Stripper: Sure, baby.

Hootch: I'm Hootch. What's your name?

Stripper: Hi Hootch. I'm Lola (we shake hands).

Hootch: (we approach Sterg, who is sucking back what I'm pretty sure is essentially straight rubbing alcohol) Hey, Sterg. Our friend here is gonna take you in the back for a while.

Sterg: Awesome.

Lola: Hi, sweetie. I'm Lola

Sterg: Hi Cobra.

Ahh fuck. I just about died of laughter - Cobra, the stripper, thats awesome.

I'm thinking about starting a 2nd blog where I'll document my stock plays and general thoughts on trading. Maybe that'll be a good way of organizing my ideas.

The only 2 stocks I'm rolling with now is RailPower Technologies and Kinross Gold. I just bought RailPower yesterday at 70 cents. It has a lot of positive momentum behind it. Several days ago the Ontario Teachers Pension Plan decided to invest 35 million dollars in the company. This acted as a catalyst for the stock's recent move. Alot of big money follows the OTPP. I have my stop/loss in at 75 cents but I really hope the stock keeps moving upward for the next few days as I really hate scouring the markets looking for my next run.

Kinross I also bought yesterday at 19.55. I bought in a little late in the gold rally yesterday, but I hope the positive momentum will carry over into today.

Show time. I gotsta go.

investment strategy, set to self destruct

For the past 3 quarters I've bought shares in Research in Motion a day or two before they announce their earnings. The previous 3 times this has proved a very profitable strategy as RIM has met or exceeded expectations and increased guidance going forward.

Yesterday I did the same. I basically emptied out the investment account and poured everything into Research in Motion at $101.50 on the Toronto Stock Exchange. Before I made the purchase though I got the feeling that maybe I was making a mistake. Maybe the pattern that I have been taking advantage of the previous 3 quarters is gonna reverse and fuck me over.

Research in Motion announce their numbers after the bell today, so if they miss, in my opinion, the stock will open at least $5-$10 below today's close depending on forward looking guidance. I dont necessarily think they will miss expectations for this quarter but I think the possibility of a sell-off is real even if they hit their numbers but dont provide a large ramp up in expectations going forward.

However, the upside potential, I'm thinking, is 10%-20% within a few days if RIM hits or beats their numbers and increases guidance, so.... I'm all in.

My friends, the relationship experts.

Sterg: Whats this rumour I'm hearing about you taking hotblackchick to the basketball game.

Hootch: Yeah, I was gonna tell you about it but I never had the chance.

Sterg: Dude! I was supposed to go to that game with you!

Hootch: Yeah, but come on, its hotblackchick!! Besides, its only Sac town we're playing. Its gonna be a shit game.

Sterg: Thats not the point! The point is...

Babyface: (joining the conversation and interrupting Sterg) Hey, Hotblackchick just told me you two are having dinner tonight.

Sterg: You're having dinner, tonight, with her?

Hootch: Yeah. Who told you?

Babyface: I just said, she did, motherfucker. She came up to the cash in pharmacy to buy some shit and she mentioned the dinner.

Hootch: Ah.

Babyface: And guess what, dude? I have big developments for you.

Hootch: What? Did she say something?

Babyface: Its not what she said. Its what she bought.

Sterg: If she bought condoms for Hootch I'm gonna kill myself.

Babyface: She didn't buy condoms but she bought something just as indicative.

Hootch: Well, what, man, what did she buy?

Babyface: Vasoline.

Hootch: What?

Babyface: Vasoline, dude. She bought vasoline!! Thats just as telling as if she bought condoms.

Hootch: I cant believe I got excited there for a second. You're an idiot.

Babyface: Dude, she's sending a signal. She bought the vasoline at the pharmacy cash on purpose cuz she knew I would see the lubricant and tell you. She wants you, guy. She wants you!

Sterg: Shit, babyface is right. Hootch, you need to send a signal back.

Hootch: What!? No! You guys are morons. She just bought vasoline ok, lets not read anything into it that isn't there. Its nothing. And you're idiots.

Babyface: You know what you need to do? Buy a pack of condoms and take them to the cosmetics cash and let hotblackchick see and ring you up.

Sterg: And dont buy those fucking ultrathick condoms you like. Buy something from the Trojan For Her Pleasure line, so she thinks you're sensitive. I think that'll score big points before you ask her to suck your balls.

Hootch: Ok, that is not gonna happen.

Babyface: Fuck, dude, do we have to do everything for you?

Sterg: (Yelling probably loud enough for hotblackchick to hear at the cosmetics counter) NO, SORRY, HOOTCH. WE DONT HAVE ANY CONDOMS LARGER THAN THE MAGNUM DOUBLE EXTRA LARGE.

Babyface: You forgot to say "for her pleasure".

Sterg: Shit, you're right.

Babyface: Dont worry. I got a good one. (yelling) GOOD NEWS, HOOTCH. THE PHARMACY JUST RECEIVED YOUR STD TEST RESULTS. LOOKS LIKE YOUR PENIS IS DISEASE FREE, JUST IN CASE YOUR NEXT PARTNER WANTS TO BARE-BACK IT.

And with that I walked away wondering if hotblackchick heard any of our nonsense.

There's poon up in thar' hills

I think I struck poon yesterday.

I was in the lunch room at work yesterday with PistolPete's sister, talking basketball. Superhotblackchick was there also fixing her makeup. WolverineHair comes in and says:

WolverineHair: Hey, (PistolPete's sister - haven't figured out what to call her yet). Some guy just called and wanted to thank you for providing excellent customer service.

PistolPete's sister: OMIGAWD!! Thats so nice. Do you know who it was?

WolverineHair: He didn't leave his name.

Superhotblackchick: He probably thought you were hot.

PistolPete's sister: I think it was an older guy.

Superhotblackchick: I have an older guy who comes in almost every monday to give me gifts and things.

Pistol Pete's sister: Is he good looking?

Superhotblackchick: Ahhhhhh, no!!

PistolPete's sister: Oh well. I better get back to the front. My break is almost over. See you guys later (leaves with WolverineHair).

Hootch: So, how much older is this guy who comes in for you, like 24, 34, 44... 104??

Superhotblackchick: 24?! Oh, Lord, no. I'm 26.

Hootch: 26!?! Holy smokes you look like a baby. So how old is this guy?

Superhotblackchick: I think he is in his late 40's. I dont date that much, but when I do I only date older guys, but I think thats a little too old for me.

Superhotblackchick: Would you date an older woman?

Hootch: I know its kinda vain and I'm almost embarrassed to say but I dont think I would.

Superhotblackchick: Hah, so you would only date younger women and I only date older men. What a pair we make.

Hootch: (lifting my head and looking at superhotblackchick to confirm the signal I think she's giving) Hey, you know, I won a pair of basketball tickets at the staff Christmas party, I dont have anyone to go with yet, do you wanna come?

Superhotblackchick: Yeah!! That would be fun.

Hootch: Wicked.

Superhotblackchick: I think me and you are gonna get along great together cuz you look like you're really mature. I like that alot.

Hootch: (comtemplating saying - I think me and you are gonna get along together cuz you got the best ass-tit combo I've ever seen) For sure. I've always been pretty mature. (if we flashback about 30 minutes previous you'd be able to find me attacking wolverinehair and ass humped him while singing George Michaels' "I Want Your Sex"

C-C-C-C-C-C-C-Come on!!

My attmepts to pick up the bartender at the staff xmas party

Making my way over to the buffet table, I notice the quesidilla wraps are right beside a type of food I'm not familiar with. I try and figure out what the mystery dish is but all I can conclude, in my inebriated state, is that its small, round and must go together with the quesidilla wrap.

I put two of the round mystery items in my quesidilla wrap. The bartender comes over also looking to get something to eat.

Bartender: Are you putting pierogies in your quesidilla?!?

Hootch: Listen, yo. I dont even know what a pierogi is, but this shit right here, this combination... is fucking delicious.

Bartender: A pierogi is what you're putting in your quesidilla.

Hootch: Oh... well then yeah. I guess I am. I guess I am putting pierogies in my quesidilla. Why... you're not supposed to?

Bartender: No, you're not.

Hootch: Well you should cuz this shit is fucking good. You know what would make it even better?

Waitress: I'm afraid to ask.

Hootch: Well, you dont have to ask, Joanie, I'll tell you.

Waitress: Did you just call me "Joanie"?

Hootch: A little honey-mustard and like... PLOW, this might be the greatest dish ever created, you know? Rachel Ray, my balls, bitch.

Waitress: (trying some pierogies in her quesidilla wrap) Hmmmm, you know. This is good.

Hootch: I told you.

Waitress: I would have never guessed it. that honey-mustard suggestion is gross though.

Hootch: Oh well, whatever. You know, I feel a little guilty, cuz I haven't even given you any fair warning or anything.

Waitress: Warning over what?

Hootch: I haven't given you any fair warning over the fact that I'm wearing Axe deoderant and Tag body spray.

Waitress: What?

Hootch: I'm wearing Axe deoderant and Tag body spray, so if you and your friend feel the overwhelming urge to group sex me, dont hold back on my account. Its alright. I'm cool with it.

Waitress: No thanks. I'd rather link up with the pierogi and the honey-mustard.

Hootch: .....

Waitress: ...

Hootch: Lesbian.

My Auxilary Underwear

These are my auxilliary/emergency pair of underwear. They're all stretched out, the crotch is destroyed and eaten away.

I know.

Pretty rad, right?

My emergency underwear kind of remind me of chaps, except the ass is covered and my balls hang out. Actually, I'm thinking of patenting and marketing this design. Nutsack chaps. Even has a nice ring to it.

Nutsack chaps - Give your balls the freedom they deserve

or

Nutsack chaps - Your nuts will thanks you for them later

my, yet to be named, comics

I posted the links to a few comics I did a while back. The links can be found just to right of this post. I haven't done any new comics in quite a while but I remember they were fun to make. Hopefully I'll get around to scratching out a few more sometime.

If you are inclined to, please feel free to offer criticism and suggestions for improvement.

thanks.


Hootch

I gots myself one of them Blackberry Pearls

I just bought a Blackberry Pearl today. Ordinarily, I'm not really much into tech gadgets, but yo, the Pearl is fucking tight. This is my Blackberry Pearl:



This is me making sweet tender finger love to my Blackberry Pearl:


I know the quality of the pic is not the greatest but here's what it would look like from the Pearl's perspective:



In this picture notice the thumb over the stink finger for added support and stability. Nice. In the previous pictures notice the, not so subtly placed, books designed to give the impression that I is smart. Genius.

Ladies, commence masturbation

Alright. So this is me with the King of all Pimps, Skinny McSlouchy, and his main squeeze, Saggy McHooknose.

I just wanted to give you a visual of the studliness I was dropping at the strip joint. I had chicks all over me. And it wasn't the fact that I spent over $1000 at the joint. It wasn't. The girls really liked me. They really did. I'm sure the same girls would have shown me the same affection even if my pockets were empty and I was ordering tap water all night. They were good girls. Especially the shooter girl who straddled me in a corner of our VIP area and pressed her tits in my face.

Anyway, I'm kinda bummed tonight. I'm watching season five of 24 and motherfucking Edgar dies! I love fucking Edgar. Why did the writers need to kill him off? Damn. Lynn also dies but who gives a fuck. I think Lynn is played by Sean Astin. He's the guy who played the gay hobit in Lord of the Rings.

I'm pretty sure I'd throw it to Chloe from 24. Apart from the fact she has a vagina and a mouth, physically she's not my type at all. However, I find her radical lack of social skills appealing. I imagine we'd be doing it sidewinder style and all of a sudden she would bark at me "you call this fucking!?!?"

What I dont get about Chole is why she has that expression on her face like she's always smelling something horrible. Is that her natural expression, or is she acting? Its like someone dirty sanchezed her. Maybe thats a plot development that will unfold later on in the story arc. I bet it was Edgar. I bet Edgar dirty sanchezed Chloe. Yeah. I bet Edgar dirty sanchezed Chloe and once CTU finds out, they'll try and bring Edgar back to life by cloning him using the microscopic shit stains and cells from his lower instestine that he left underneath Chloe's nose. Bingo. I bet thats it, motherfuckers.

Tommy's Party

Oh, man. That was way too much fun, yo! Tommy's party started off at Sterg's house. Me, Mally and Pistol Pete got there first and set everything up, busting out the GreyGoose and the Cheetos. I was fucking starving.

Mally: Should we order a pizza?

Hootch: Do it, man. I am fucking starving. I think the lining of my stomach is beginning to digest itself.

Pistol: Maybe we should have picked up something on the way. The food is gonna take a while to get here.

Hootch: Its alright. I had a Snickers, before.

Mally: Oh, was it one of those new oversized Snickers you were telling me about?

Hootch: Yeah, the fucking thing is huge. When I was eating it, it felt like I was holding John Holmes' dick. It was practically like a homosexual experience.

Pistol: How come? Did you eat it, or stick it up your ass?

Once we were all gathered, stuffed our faces and were rocking a nice buzz, we decided to hit the road and make our way to the peelers. The taxis arrived all at the same time and we all got in. Pistol called in ahead and set us up with bottle service and a reserved section of the joint. It was tight. Our waitress told us we were the first party to be allowed in that section of the club since they've renovated. It was nice. Lots of space. Lots of couches and chairs and a great vantage point where we could see all the girls in the club.

Almost as soon as we arrived the 3 bottles, we ordered in advance, came. We all toasted Tommy and told him if his nose was not 2 inches away from snatch, all night, we were not doing our job. With that said, I grabbed 2 girls, gave Tommy 2 bills and told him to take them in the back. I grabbed one of the girls before she left with the other and Tommy. "Hey, its my friend's birthday today so if you three all get along you'll probably be back there with him until close".

5 songs later Tommy comes back.

Hootch: How were they, Tommy?

Tommy: They fucking sucked.

Sterg: Why, what happened?

Tommy: All they did was sit on my lap and talk to each other. They didn't even dance or nothing!

Sterg: What were they talking about?

Tommy: I dunno, some party they are going to afterwards, or something. While they were talking I tried to grab one's ass and she slapped my face and called security!

Hootch: What happened?

Tommy: Security told me next time that happens they'll kick me out.

Sterg: What did you do next?

Tommy: I told the girls to start dancing but they said "your 5 songs are over" and got dressed and left.

Oh, man. I thought that was hilarious. I couldn't stop laughing. Poor bastard.

Fuck, I have a ton more from Tommy's party I'll get to within the next few days, if you're interested. Right now I gotta catch up on some sleep.

a play to spark things up again with newcootch

In an effort to remedy my medical condition scientifically know as "blue balls". I invited NewCootch over to my house yesterday after work. I told her we can watch some DVDs and hang out. She agreed and met me at my house around 11 last night.

Again, the plan was to watch a few episodes of Family Guy and hopefully, by the end of the night, we'd be banging it doggie-style to Season 5 of The Gilmore Girls. Here is what happened:

Hootch: You alright?

NewCootch: Yeah.

Hootch: You comfortable and everything?

NC: Yeah, thanks.

Hootch: So, ahhhh... whatchu saying?

NC: Oh. My. Gawd.

Hootch: What?

NC: You want to have sex.

Hoootch: What?!?

NC: You want to have sex. HAHAHA, I knew it!! Thats why you invited me over here tonight. Cuz you thought, what? That'd I'd come over, watch a dvd, have something to eat and then, what? I'd just suck you off or something?

Hootch: (well, I was kinda hoping...) I... I.. I am insulted. I thought "we haven't seen each other in a while so it would be nice to just catch up. Thats all.

NC: Yeah, right.

Hootch: Whatever, like you dont want to anyway.

NC: Ahhh, excuse me. I have a boyfriend.

Hootch: Whatever, if you knew I wanted to have sex, but you didn't, why did you come over here then?

NC: I was hoping I was wrong. And I was hoping you had matured a little.

Hootch: Oh, come on. Dont give me that bullshit again... is it that same guy you are seeing?

NC: Who?

Hootch: The weirdo.

NC: Geoffrey is not weird. He is sensitive and romantic.

Hootch: What, and I'm not?!!?

NC: No, Hootch, you are not. In your blog you referred to me as "NewCootch", that doesn't qualify you as sensitive or romantic. On the other hand, do you know what Geoffrey gave me the other day?

Hootch: The clap?

NC: It was raining one night and he went outside and collected a bottle of rainwater and labeled it "November 15, 2007 - an evening with NewCootch". Isn't that romantic?

Hootch: That is the gayest fucking thing I have ever heard.

NC: Figures you would think so.

Hootch: I hope you haven't slept with him yet.

NC: We've only been seeing each other a little while now, so of course I haven't slept with him.

Hootch: Good.

NC: I've only blown him.

Hootch: I just cant win lately. I'm going to the bathroom to jack myself a soda.

preparations for tommy's party

Hootch: What are we doing for your brother's birthday? Taking him to a joint?

Sterg: Yeah, I think he'll like that. I think he also expects a stripper to come to the house for a private show, as well.

Hootch: Thats alot to expect, no?

Sterg: Yeah, but cuz we did it for my party I think Tommy expects it for his also.

Hootch: I know but you paid for half the shit at your party... your brother is broke ass.

Sterg: Ahhh, its the kid's party. I dont want to disappoint him. He's all fucked up about breaking up with his girlfriend.

Hootch: Still?!

Sterg: Still.

Hootch: Fuck, well... alright. Lets do it. If you spring for the bottle service at the club, I'll pay for the stripper to come to the house before the club.

Sterg: Nice.

Hootch: What should the stripper look like? What kind of chicks does your brother like?

Sterg: My brother likes big tits.

Hootch: Ok, "big tits", got it. What else?

Sterg: Ahhhhh....... I think thats basically it.

Hootch: Thats it?! What do you mean thats it? What about the face?

Sterg: I dont think my brother cares about the face.

Hootch: Thats unbelievable! So your brother doesn't actually care what she looks like as long as she has big tits? Is that right? You're telling me to disregard the face.

Sterg: Disregard the face.

Hootch: So what would you say if I got a chick that looks exactly like my ass but with nice tits.

Sterg: I'd say you did a good job.

Hootch: This is unbelievable. You're blowing my ming here. The face is the most important part!

Sterg: Okay, okay, if you are gonna make such a big deal about it, see if you can find someone who looks like that Gina-looking chick from Deal or No Deal, with the overdone curly hair and the fat lips. You know who I'm talking about?

Hootch: Yeah. Got it. She has to look like she's Italian and retarded with big tits.

Sterg: Exactly.

Hootch: Book it. Lets go track her down.

recollections on a friday

I did some DVD shopping a few days ago. Pretty excited about the purchases. Picked up Family Guy season 5, an Indiana Jones box set, The Best of Stephen Colbert and Season 5 of 24 (conventionally regarded as the weakest season of the series, I know, but I'll give it a shot as I've enjoyed the previous story arcs).

I called over NewChineseGirl, from my old job, to come over and watch some of the DVD's that night. Needless to say, I, of course, was secretly hoping an evening of quality dvd watching would magically morph into a night of chest-pounding jungle gorilla sex. Unfortunately though all we did was watch Dancing with the Stars.

Still, Dancing with the Stars wasn't as bad as I imagined. I thought the chick dancing with the race car driver guy was super hot.

I'm pretty sure the shirt underneath says "Hootch's balls taste like NutraSweet"

She looks quite a bit like Marianne, minus the addiction to weed and wigger dick.