Friday, June 22, 2007

reality shows and canadian music

Alright. I'm a sucker for shows like American/Canadian Idol and So You Think You Can Dance. However, one thing I would change about these types of shows is how mean some of the judges can be. I mean, what the fuck, dude, cant you remember how it once felt to be young and full of hopes and dreams?

The judges on So You Think You Can Dance absolutely freak out, when they find out that someone who does not perform particularly well actually teaches dance to young adults. They act like its the biggest atrocity in the world. I remember one exchange from last season after a contestant danced pretty shit.

Judge: Come up to the microphone, darling...
Woman: (walks up to the mic after dancing)
Judge: What do you do for a living?
Woman: (out of breath and panting) I'm a dance instructor.
Judge: (looking horrified) You are a dance instructor?!
Woman: Yes. I teach little children.
Judge: (looking even more horrified like the woman just admitted she's a member of a Taliban sleeper cell) Is... is there no god in heaven? How can something like this happen? This is the real problem with America. You teach little children how to dance!??!! Get off my stage... just get off. I cant stand to look at your face anymore.

Ok. I kinda made up the "get off my stage" part, but for real, yo, theses judges are assholes.
Take Zach on Canadian Idol, a cock-sucker of enormous proportions. He's a 40ish year old douche who thinks he's cool cuz he has an earing and a goatee. The guy spends most his time on the show with a sour look on his face pretending he has some place better to be. Who you fooling, dude? Everyone knows if you weren't employed by Canadian Idol you'd be serving up $5 handjobs from out of the backseat of your car. Here is a pic of Zack throwing a garbage can after being enraged by a string of poor singing performances:

ohhhhh, the fag on tv is pissed because we've offended his artistic sensibilities . Negro, please!!! I haven't seen anything so contrived and rehearsed since the last Tom Cruise or John Travolta interview where they try and convince us they are, in fact, normal and not the actual godless degenerates we know they are.

Another thing about the Canadian music industry that bothers me is their reluctance to support anyone with any sex appeal. I mean, fuck, in a country of 25 million+ is it an absolute impossibility to find someone who can sing and be a provider of wet dreams?? I dunno, I guess Nelly Furtado can sometimes look alright but then I hear her talk and its an instant erection kill.

I dont think there has been anyone since Mitsou, in the 1980's, who could be relied upon to provide high quality crankage material on a consistent basis. Mitsou was French Canada's answer to Madonna, and sure she wasn't all that hot, but at least she gave you the impression you could probably score a blowjob off her if you ran into her on the street.

Anyway, I could say more but I gotta get to the rock-pile.


whatigotsofar said...

Dand, there is no bangable Canadian "musicians"
Well, there's a couple of butterfaces but thats it.

J7 L7+ said...

These shows hurt my soul. I would honestly like to rip Simon Cowell's nut sack right straight from his groin and hold it in front of his face, like when that priest ripped that guy's heart out in Indiana Jones - Temple of Doom.

lastlifeinmyuniverse said...

great post hootchie baby. its nice to be an asshole and to be paid for it at the same time.

The Boob Lady said...

BWAHAHAHA!! Mitsou.. Hootch, you give me more reasons to love you every time I come here.. Only a fellow Canadian can appreciate her..