Friday, April 20, 2007

last saturday

Alright. So last Saturday was not only the day me and newchinesegirl were supposed to hook up but it was also the day of my friend Demeat's bachelor party. Demeat is this crazy motherfuckin greek mixed martial arts ninja / virgin. He's a nice enough guy but every time I see him I get the feeling he's always on the verge of slapping some sort of testicular submission hold on me faster than I can tap out or apologise for rim-jobbing his younger sister last year.

Anyway, I call newchinesegirl and we make plans to hook up around 11:30. I tell her about the bachelor party. She tells me she's going out for dinner then to a bar with some friends. All is cool.

Around 8:30 me, Ho, Sterg, and Mally head out for the bachelor party. The bachelor party was held is some shithole tavern. As soon as we walked into the joint the first thing I notice is the hostess - fuckin beautiful, a little older than I expected but still very nice. The second thing I notice is everyone else except for my crew seems to be at least 100 years old. Kinda weird.

Me and the boys make our way to the bar. We all order 2bles, except for Mally. He wants a quadruple. The bartender, who is at least 1000 years old, takes forever to make our drinks and fucks up all our orders. He tells Mally he cant serve him a quadruple so he gives him 2 doubles instead.

As the evening progresses Mally finds himself at the Texas Hold'em table and orders the bartender to keep the 2 doubles coming every 20 minutes. Sterg, with Ho as his wing man, corners the super hot hostess and goes to work. I find the buffet line, sit down in front of the big screen and watch Sports Centre.

About an hour later the stripper arrives. And to tell you the truth I dont think she was even a stripper. I think she was just some 40 year old junkie they found on the street corner who was willing to take off her clothes for $20. I was pretty sure for an extra 5 she'd be willing to add blowjob to her list of services.

Anyway, the "stripper" takes off her clothes and I notice her ass is blister red, like some sort of bizarre tanning both experiment gone horribly wrong. As she's dancing for Demeat, one of the geezers grabs her and pulls her over. The stripper straddles the geezer and he starts sucking her tits. When he pulls his mouth off her tits I can see the trail of geriatric spit hanging from her breast, leading to his mouth. Pretty freakin' gross. Whats even more gross is the fact that Demeat started sucking the same spit-soaked titty when she straddled him immediately afterward.

11:30 rolls around and I call newchinesegirl. She asks me to meet her in a bar by her house where her and her friends still are. I ask if I can bring Sterg, Mally and Ho. She says "yes". We hop in Sterg's Escalade and make our way.

Next: Part 3 - I hate wiggers who like soka

8 comments:

Me said...

"[T]he trail of geriatric spit hanging from her breast, leading to his mouth"

That has to be the most worst thing I've read in a long time!

tinakala said...

If you had been drunk enough, the story would probably have been much brighter. You know, "sexy dancer chick", "erotic tit-sucking" etc.

Charlie Shame said...

Riotious, I actually dropped to one knee with laughter pains.

Sorry bout, the Rapture. I expected Jason Kidd to just unhinge his jaw and take TJ's head with one bite. Seriously Kidd is probably the ugliest man living or deceased. Word is he'll be taking some time in the off-season to play Skelator in a remake of Masters of the Universe. Its going to be awesome.

lastlifeinmyuniverse said...

the date mustve gone terribly awesome.

god you fuckin tease.

2 Dollar Productions said...

That's a horrible image of geezers sucking on tits to deal with on a Monday morning. But funny as hell.

J7 L7+ said...

That titty image grossed me out. Who knows where that thing has been.

---On an unrelated topic, I can't believe you're listening to TM's Psychic Hearts. What a gem. It's so rare to come across fan of the good stuff.---

Elaine said...

spit soaked 40 year old titty.

Dry.
Heave.

Freak Magnet said...

I've been there with the bad strippers, so I feel your pain. One stripper I saw had the hairiest ass I've ever seen. Isn't it, like, a law they have to shave that shit before wearing a g-string?